Monday, April 19, 2010

Where does your honesty lie?

5000moms welcomes guest writer and relationship coach Shalanda Tookes Wilder

One day, I received a call from a lady seeking relationship coaching. She complained that her boyfriend was being secretive about his income. Sometime during the call, I stated that secrecy has a way of damaging relationships. Out of the blue, she starts yelling at him saying that I think he should stop hiding his money from her. As I sat there listening, I could hear her boyfriend in the background laughing his heart out. Now, one problem I saw with this couple, aside from the guy’s lack of empathy for his girlfriend’s concerns, was the fact that she wanted honesty but was not giving it in return. That is why it is imperative to calmly discuss issues as they arise and to make a joint effort to find fitting resolutions.

These types of circumstances happen in many relationships where you have one person who wants the other person to be an open book, but they are not practicing an acceptable degree of openness themselves. Generally, people are secretive because they have been hurt in the past and are carrying around emotional baggage. In case you don’t realize it, baggage can have an adverse effect on relationships which causes a person to collect more baggage as they move from one relationship to another. This cycle tends to go on and on for many people and will continue for a lifetime unless they learn to build trusting relationships.
It can be hard to see the benefits of learning to trust- click here to read the rest of the article.

1 comment:

  1. I loved reading this article and asking myself if I am completely honest in every area of my life. Thanks so much Shalanda!